Apollo Fates is one of gay adult entertainment's stars who in my opinion is still bubbling under; his talents and work are very well received and definitely noticed but I still think it is scratching under the surface. I first saw Apollo perform in a couple of scenes for Vision X Studios and knew the next time I find myself in L.A., I'd have to try and work with him. We did and it was lovely!
During a recent visit to New York City, I was able to sit down and get to know Apollo, one on one. Apollo discusses his childhood, bouncing around the greater Los Angles area in the flawed foster care system, the experience of living with his biological mother, coming out, relationships and the industry, ultimately leading to how he ended up being Apollo Fates.
Enjoy!
[00:00:00] Welcome to another episode of Demystifying Gay Porn. My name is I. Que Grande and if you watch Gay Porn, I've definitely helped to get off.
[00:00:26] And the gentleman that is sitting down on this chair right now, on this sofa in New York City is a porn model and a content creator,
[00:00:37] fisting bottom extraordinaire, bottom extraordinaire, Apollo Fates. How are you?
[00:00:42] Hi, it's a pleasure to be here.
[00:00:44] I'm very happy to have you on. Funny, I think I mentioned in our text messages how somebody had just asked me to interview you.
[00:00:54] And I was like, that's pretty funny you're saying that because I am trying to get him to do a scene and if he does a scene, absolutely going to have him sit down.
[00:01:02] So welcome. How are you?
[00:01:04] Honestly, I'm having a great time. This is my first time in New York and you know, whether it's not as bad as I thought it would be.
[00:01:11] I'm like, yeah, I'm a little chilly, but I'm like, I feel like my attire is ready for it.
[00:01:14] Yeah, you look good. This is very, very, uh, fallish New York.
[00:01:18] Thank you. Thank you. It does not work in Los Angeles. Let me tell you something.
[00:01:23] But I get cold very easily. So I kind of had to bundle up anyways.
[00:01:27] Well, I'm glad and you got some snow.
[00:01:29] Oh my God, the lady on the street. She was like, I was like, oh my God, it's snowing.
[00:01:35] The grass is like iced over and she was looking at me like, yeah, that's what happens.
[00:01:41] That's what happens when it snows. And I'm like, mama, off camera.
[00:01:46] I asked you when you said this is your first time seeing snow in person.
[00:01:50] Okay. And you are moving to New York or no?
[00:01:55] You know what? I have been thinking for a while about moving out of California,
[00:01:59] but I think if I'm going to stay in the States, I need to check out Chicago.
[00:02:03] I know it's cold. I know it's like everybody says it's like the worst in the winter and spring.
[00:02:10] And I'm like, you know what? Totally get it.
[00:02:13] But biggest fisting community in the United States is in Chicago.
[00:02:19] So you got to check it out.
[00:02:20] I have to. I had to do my due diligence before like just picking up and moving
[00:02:24] to the United States.
[00:02:25] So you're known as California.
[00:02:26] What area of California did you grow up in?
[00:02:30] Okay.
[00:02:33] Pomona, West Covina, Hacienda Heights, Rialto, Orange County, Compton,
[00:02:42] Kerya Town and downtown.
[00:02:48] A couple of others. Azusa, Baldwin Park.
[00:02:51] God. Okay.
[00:02:52] So you grew up in a different place.
[00:02:53] Yeah, yeah. So whenever people tell me like, hey, where are you from?
[00:02:55] I'm like the greater Los Angeles area.
[00:02:57] Okay. That's a good way to answer it.
[00:02:59] What about growing up though? Like when you were a kid, where did you spend or better yet,
[00:03:03] where did you spend most of your time?
[00:03:05] You know, it's funny and we're going to probably get a little deep here,
[00:03:08] but I was a foster child.
[00:03:10] Okay.
[00:03:11] So I spent most of my time like hopping from house to house.
[00:03:15] That's why I lived in so many places.
[00:03:16] Okay.
[00:03:17] So I didn't really have anywhere that I would go.
[00:03:21] Like I was very like, it felt like a bird in a cage, right?
[00:03:26] Mm-hmm.
[00:03:27] You know, where I was kind of just dangled in front of people like,
[00:03:31] oh, look at this pretty little bird.
[00:03:33] Like, you know, he's fucked up. Give me money for him.
[00:03:35] Like that's kind of how it felt for most of my life.
[00:03:37] So all I really knew for a grand majority of my life was like a bedroom
[00:03:41] because that's where like I was confined to a space and that's it.
[00:03:45] Wasn't really allowed to go outside, didn't really have friends.
[00:03:49] That's why I value my friends that I have now so heavily.
[00:03:52] But yeah, I don't really have much of a place where I like spent a lot of time.
[00:03:57] Do you mind if we go into it?
[00:03:58] No, please go ahead.
[00:03:59] Okay.
[00:04:00] I don't think I've ever actually met somebody that's grown up as a foster child.
[00:04:04] What is that from what you can share with me?
[00:04:08] What is that?
[00:04:09] What is that like?
[00:04:10] What does it feel like?
[00:04:11] For people who don't know and I think this is something
[00:04:15] that should be talked about more often is that most people don't do it
[00:04:19] out of the kindness of their hearts.
[00:04:21] Okay.
[00:04:22] It's very cruel and bitter.
[00:04:25] And you have people who will do anything to make you sound like
[00:04:33] you are the worst child on the face of the planet
[00:04:36] and because you are the child, people do not believe you.
[00:04:39] I went to an assailant sign them three times
[00:04:43] and they knew me by name.
[00:04:47] They knew me by name.
[00:04:48] The lady, the black lady at the fucking counter taught me how to play dominoes.
[00:04:52] Like I knew her and we would play all the time.
[00:04:55] I wasn't actually crazy.
[00:04:57] Like the thing was if you get the pet team, this is what it's called,
[00:05:02] called on you, they take you regardless.
[00:05:04] And then you're put into an institution for a couple of months
[00:05:07] and it's kind of dehumanizing because they take away everything, everything.
[00:05:11] Does this happen because they report a certain kind of behavior
[00:05:15] or they get you out of the situation that you're in entirely?
[00:05:19] It's a little bit of both.
[00:05:20] It depends because the first time, the first time was the only time
[00:05:24] that I can say I really should have been admitted.
[00:05:26] I did try to commit suicide when I was a kid.
[00:05:30] I was like seven years old and I tried to just choke myself on a chair.
[00:05:33] Teacher caught me, saw that I had written like really nasty things
[00:05:37] in the back of my notebook and it got pretty bad.
[00:05:39] But you know, that's kind of what happens when you grow up in foster care.
[00:05:42] People just treat you like shit.
[00:05:44] Did you know your parents?
[00:05:45] Yeah, I have, I know my mother.
[00:05:47] Okay.
[00:05:48] I have my biological parents.
[00:05:49] I went to live back with them when I was 13, which wasn't any better.
[00:05:54] No.
[00:05:55] Honestly, I was probably even worse.
[00:05:57] But we'll get to that.
[00:05:59] Okay.
[00:06:00] When you grow up in foster care, like one of the things
[00:06:03] that I remembered is that they would, they took me to the doctors
[00:06:08] because they said I was crazy.
[00:06:10] And the doctors, a psychiatrist diagnosed me with ADHD.
[00:06:15] And because I have ADHD, you get more money from the government
[00:06:19] because I'm a problem to child.
[00:06:22] So they have to have fine people who are more willing
[00:06:25] to take care of this child so they give them more money as the incentive.
[00:06:29] It's when I first learned of like Ritalin
[00:06:32] and how much of a zombie you can be turned into by medication.
[00:06:36] And honestly, it wasn't for me.
[00:06:39] Like I made a pact with my older brother and sister
[00:06:42] who were part of the foster care system with me
[00:06:44] that we would never let anybody tear us down that way again.
[00:06:49] And we were bad kids after that point.
[00:06:52] Did you move with them?
[00:06:53] Was it like a package or?
[00:06:55] Primarily until I was seven.
[00:06:58] We know we're siblings.
[00:06:59] We fight and do stupid things.
[00:07:02] The catalyst for them separating us was one time
[00:07:05] my sister and I, we would get an allowance.
[00:07:08] This is the one house that actually gave us a fucking allowance.
[00:07:12] Oh my God.
[00:07:13] We would go on Sundays to the fucking corner store
[00:07:16] and grab just silly things to like, you know,
[00:07:19] candy treats, whatever have you.
[00:07:22] And it was funny because the clerks, they knew us
[00:07:27] because we used to like, I used to be a really good thief.
[00:07:30] Like it was bad.
[00:07:31] Like I would go, we would go in with a shopping cart
[00:07:34] and we would come out full and nobody would ever catch us.
[00:07:37] But you know, eventually I learned like, you know,
[00:07:39] that's bad money.
[00:07:41] You can buy things.
[00:07:42] I'm like, okay, cool.
[00:07:44] But we would go and we bought like Hershey bars this one weekend
[00:07:48] and we decided to make pancakes.
[00:07:50] Hershey filled pancakes.
[00:07:52] And I was like, oh, this is delicious.
[00:07:54] So we made my sister, we make it.
[00:07:56] And I forgot why we left the kitchen,
[00:07:59] but we left the kitchen and my older brother took the plate
[00:08:02] of the food we had just made, locked himself in his room
[00:08:06] and ate it.
[00:08:07] And we were so mad.
[00:08:10] Like we were banging on the door.
[00:08:12] I was like full on shoving, like shoving myself into my sister
[00:08:16] had a knife and she was carving out the door.
[00:08:18] We were mad.
[00:08:19] Yeah, okay.
[00:08:20] We were mad.
[00:08:21] Hershey pancakes?
[00:08:22] Yes.
[00:08:23] I mean, we were also kids, right?
[00:08:25] And they saw that as like a gross act of violence
[00:08:28] and so they separate.
[00:08:29] And my brother was part of like,
[00:08:32] he wasn't necessarily a gang member,
[00:08:34] but he was affiliated because he hung out with all the older
[00:08:38] teenagers who were affiliated.
[00:08:40] And so, you know, he got, he was very much out
[00:08:43] and he would sneak out and do all these bad things.
[00:08:45] And then, you know, he was very physical.
[00:08:48] I don't blame him, you know, he's a victim
[00:08:50] of his surroundings just as me and my sister were.
[00:08:52] So like he tries really hard to apologize nowadays
[00:08:55] and I tell him, you don't have to.
[00:08:57] We're, you know, we're cool.
[00:08:59] Like I've forgiven you.
[00:09:00] I've moved on, but they moved us away from him
[00:09:04] and then they separated my sister and I for arguing so much.
[00:09:07] So at the age of seven, we kind of all went in different ways.
[00:09:11] How did you guys keep in touch?
[00:09:13] We didn't.
[00:09:14] We just, we would just go whenever my mom would pick us up
[00:09:16] to go see her like for our monthly visit.
[00:09:19] Absolutely.
[00:09:20] So you had a monthly visit with your mom
[00:09:22] throughout this entire time.
[00:09:24] You were able to, do you mind if I ask why they took you guys
[00:09:28] from your mom?
[00:09:29] The story is very complex and I don't know like all the bits
[00:09:35] and pieces.
[00:09:36] However, my father, my biological father was,
[00:09:39] he was doing a lot to just get by.
[00:09:42] And my grandma detested him like a lot.
[00:09:47] Okay, your maternal grandmother?
[00:09:48] Yes.
[00:09:49] She, she did not like him.
[00:09:52] And my mom was like obviously had over heels for him
[00:09:55] and he started selling drugs to like provide.
[00:09:59] And then my mom started selling some and then she did some
[00:10:03] and that lady who intervened for our case did not like my mom.
[00:10:08] She, the lady was very, she was sterile.
[00:10:10] So she couldn't have kids.
[00:10:12] And my mom was on her third child, me.
[00:10:14] And she, she found all these things about my mom
[00:10:19] and like the catalyst was my sister,
[00:10:21] like her foot got run over by a car.
[00:10:23] And then they saw her as like gross negligence from the parents
[00:10:28] and they took my brother when he was four,
[00:10:30] my sister when she was two and me as soon as I was born.
[00:10:34] So I thought it was perfectly normal to have multiple sets
[00:10:39] of parents until I was like five.
[00:10:41] Like no idea that you were just supposed to have one set.
[00:10:44] By the time you were five, how many did you have?
[00:10:46] Do you think?
[00:10:48] I don't remember honestly the, it's so blurry,
[00:10:51] but I think at that time it was like four, four at that time.
[00:10:55] And we had just been released from one of the houses
[00:10:57] that my brother and sister say was the absolute worst house
[00:11:00] we ever lived in.
[00:11:01] I can't remember.
[00:11:02] I was too small.
[00:11:05] You guys are able to talk about it now.
[00:11:07] Like when you guys get together, you're able to...
[00:11:10] Not necessarily.
[00:11:11] We all cope in our different ways.
[00:11:13] Okay.
[00:11:14] I feel, and I know they'll say otherwise,
[00:11:17] I feel like I'm more comfortable talking about things.
[00:11:19] Like I feel like I can openly state things
[00:11:21] because out of the three of us,
[00:11:22] even though a lot of bad things did happen to me,
[00:11:24] like they weren't as bad as what happened to them.
[00:11:27] So I can understand why it would be difficult
[00:11:30] for them to talk about.
[00:11:31] Just kind of in the same boat, but when did you come out?
[00:11:40] So I knew I was gay from the first thought.
[00:11:46] I just knew I liked guys.
[00:11:48] It was never like an issue for me,
[00:11:50] and I never thought anything about it
[00:11:52] until my brothers started teasing me about,
[00:11:55] oh, you're gay, you're a faggot,
[00:11:57] you like dick, and I was like, okay.
[00:12:01] And I didn't know as a kid,
[00:12:04] but I didn't know how negatively it was looked down upon.
[00:12:07] Okay.
[00:12:08] So I was going to ask if you knew while you were in the foster school.
[00:12:13] Yeah, absolutely, 100%.
[00:12:15] Like I definitely knew by the age of six that I was gay.
[00:12:18] And I didn't come out until much later.
[00:12:22] I had moved home when I was like 13,
[00:12:25] back to my biological parents and my uncle who I confided in.
[00:12:30] He told my mom that I was gay
[00:12:35] because I wouldn't wash the dishes for him.
[00:12:39] And I know that sounds insane,
[00:12:43] but I come from a family of nine,
[00:12:45] and I'm the third eldest.
[00:12:47] My mom likes to have our uncles and cousins over
[00:12:50] and everybody's always at our house.
[00:12:52] So both the sinks would be full
[00:12:54] and the entire countertop.
[00:12:56] I kid you not.
[00:12:58] And I just, I couldn't.
[00:13:01] Like even to this day, I'm like,
[00:13:02] I know I'm dirty dishes and I know I'm stacking them,
[00:13:05] but I'm sorry I'm not going to clean them.
[00:13:07] I just refuse.
[00:13:08] It's like the grossest thing.
[00:13:10] But yeah, he outed me to my mom
[00:13:13] and she beat me really heavily that first night.
[00:13:16] I remember wallowing in a corner and crying
[00:13:19] because I didn't know how to respond.
[00:13:22] Crazy.
[00:13:23] She took me out of my room.
[00:13:25] I wasn't allowed to see my siblings
[00:13:27] because she thought I was,
[00:13:29] I was escorted to and from school.
[00:13:31] I was not allowed to have any friends
[00:13:33] and my little brothers and sisters
[00:13:36] could do anything they wanted to me
[00:13:38] and it would not matter.
[00:13:40] Like they could steal my things,
[00:13:42] they could break stuff,
[00:13:43] they could force me to do whatever they wanted me to do
[00:13:46] and I would have to do it
[00:13:47] because my mom would make me.
[00:13:49] Why do you think that was the case?
[00:13:54] And I only ask what's your background?
[00:13:56] I'm Salvadoran.
[00:13:57] Okay.
[00:13:58] I'm Salvadoran and I'm Durin.
[00:13:59] So there's like a lot of like religious stuff
[00:14:02] but my mom's not religious.
[00:14:03] She could claim all she wants
[00:14:05] but she doesn't go to church,
[00:14:06] she doesn't practice.
[00:14:07] My aunts, they practice,
[00:14:09] they go to church.
[00:14:10] My mom does not.
[00:14:11] My mom is very much of a hypocrite.
[00:14:13] She likes to dangle things over people
[00:14:17] and as like a way of like having control over them
[00:14:22] and in my day-to-day life now
[00:14:25] she holds absolutely nothing over me
[00:14:28] and so she constantly just begs me to come home and see her
[00:14:31] and I'm like, I'll see you when I'm ready
[00:14:33] because as much as I've forgiven her
[00:14:36] and you know she's my mother,
[00:14:37] she's the only one I'll ever have in my life
[00:14:40] I don't agree with the things that she's done.
[00:14:42] Yeah.
[00:14:43] The only reason I brought that up was because
[00:14:46] I had a harder time.
[00:14:47] I came out, I knew very similar to you
[00:14:49] I was about six or seven
[00:14:52] and I've mentioned it on the podcast before
[00:14:54] but it was because of Batman and Robin.
[00:14:56] Is it Batman Returns?
[00:14:58] Is it the one where Robin had the nipples?
[00:15:00] No, that's Batman Forever.
[00:15:02] But no, I'm gonna age myself here.
[00:15:04] I was talking about Batman,
[00:15:06] like the old Batman because when I was growing up
[00:15:08] they would put that on TV
[00:15:10] and Batman or Robin had like these tights,
[00:15:13] like these small short shorts.
[00:15:14] Yeah, and I remember thinking,
[00:15:16] wow he's really really hot
[00:15:18] and I remember knowing
[00:15:20] that that wasn't what people did.
[00:15:23] Like that wasn't what little boys did.
[00:15:25] They didn't watch men on TV or anything like that.
[00:15:28] But then I came out when I was 15 or 16
[00:15:31] and I had a boyfriend
[00:15:33] and my father was more accepting
[00:15:35] my mother was the rough one
[00:15:37] my mother was the one that I had
[00:15:39] it took her eight years I think
[00:15:41] to finally be cool with it
[00:15:43] and I asked because of your Latino
[00:15:46] you know, like I'm curious
[00:15:48] if you had the same situation
[00:15:50] when it comes to that
[00:15:52] do you think it was,
[00:15:53] you talked a little bit off camera about
[00:15:55] like toxic masculinity
[00:15:57] and that runs rampant in the Latino community?
[00:16:00] It really does.
[00:16:02] Here, the thing that I don't understand
[00:16:05] so my dad has never been in the picture
[00:16:09] ever not even as I have never met him
[00:16:11] in my life I know his name
[00:16:13] and I've seen a picture of him
[00:16:15] don't care whatever
[00:16:17] that's like
[00:16:19] but my mom
[00:16:21] before she had my older brother
[00:16:23] who was the first
[00:16:25] was with a man
[00:16:27] and he is all of our dads
[00:16:29] my mom has had multiple kids
[00:16:31] through multiple men
[00:16:33] but this one guy
[00:16:35] has stuck around the entire time
[00:16:37] he is still with my mom today
[00:16:39] and he loves her
[00:16:41] but she cannot, she's just so
[00:16:43] she just can't bring herself to do it
[00:16:45] like she's
[00:16:47] she's been doing the dumbest things
[00:16:49] I'll tell you a little bit about it later
[00:16:51] but he was so quick
[00:16:54] to accept me
[00:16:56] didn't even bat an eye he was like so
[00:16:58] he's like okay cool
[00:17:00] pass me that beer
[00:17:02] I'm like okay
[00:17:04] That's cool, it means a lot
[00:17:06] It really does
[00:17:07] But then to see
[00:17:09] how negative the response was from my mother
[00:17:11] it tore my heart apart
[00:17:15] My experience
[00:17:17] is the reason why I don't believe in God
[00:17:21] because
[00:17:23] my mother is salt of the earth
[00:17:26] beautiful woman
[00:17:28] did her job
[00:17:30] raised her kids
[00:17:32] you couldn't ask
[00:17:34] she was more a mother than a wife
[00:17:36] so to see her torment herself
[00:17:38] over what she could have possibly did wrong
[00:17:40] because her son was gay
[00:17:42] and saying that God was punishing her
[00:17:44] destroyed any kind of religious belief
[00:17:47] I had in my system
[00:17:49] I don't feel like that's the reason why I did it
[00:17:52] but I know that for me
[00:17:54] it was like
[00:17:56] as a child I always questioned
[00:17:58] well if we're supposed to love everyone
[00:18:01] why am I being treated like crap
[00:18:06] I know that they were like
[00:18:08] people would tell me you're choosing to be gay
[00:18:11] and I'm like
[00:18:13] okay if that is the case
[00:18:15] I choose to be straight
[00:18:17] I actually told myself
[00:18:19] I am straight now
[00:18:21] I will date women, I will have a girlfriend
[00:18:23] I did, I had a couple of girlfriends
[00:18:25] I touched the pussy once
[00:18:27] was it my thing?
[00:18:29] No, I went inside
[00:18:31] but it was fingering
[00:18:33] and it was okay
[00:18:35] So you're still kind of a gold star gay
[00:18:37] I don't believe in that
[00:18:39] but you know those words
[00:18:41] I'm a platinum gay
[00:18:43] I've never touched a vagina in my life
[00:18:45] I'm like good for you sis
[00:18:47] gold star
[00:18:49] but no
[00:18:51] I mean genuinely
[00:18:53] I don't believe in any religion
[00:18:55] like
[00:18:57] I know this can sound so bad
[00:18:59] but like religion has been used
[00:19:01] in so many cases to just
[00:19:03] spread animosity
[00:19:05] and chaos and like hate
[00:19:07] and I just don't want to be a part of anything that does that
[00:19:10] and it's a tool
[00:19:12] and it just keeps people in line
[00:19:14] and I'm right there with you
[00:19:16] Religion, and this is my full belief, religion
[00:19:18] is a man made predisposition
[00:19:20] to dumb the masses
[00:19:22] because
[00:19:24] you're quoting a book
[00:19:26] that you yourself
[00:19:28] are trying to interpret
[00:19:30] and you're thrusting your interpretation
[00:19:32] out into crowd of people who are blindly following it
[00:19:35] and it's a personality based thing too
[00:19:38] because
[00:19:40] like for instance I'll have my grandmother
[00:19:42] my grandmother is religious to high heaven
[00:19:44] no pun but she's all about the book
[00:19:46] but she's a nice person
[00:19:48] you can be a nice person
[00:19:50] and have faith or religion
[00:19:52] and you go on your way
[00:19:54] you're not bothering anybody, you let people live
[00:19:56] if you're religious and you're an asshole
[00:19:58] you're gonna be a religious asshole
[00:20:00] like there's no ifs ands or buts
[00:20:02] if you're a hypocrite and you're religious
[00:20:04] you don't have any movies about it
[00:20:06] well I'm glad you feel that way
[00:20:08] you know I like to get into this stuff
[00:20:10] because it cements a little bit about
[00:20:12] who you are
[00:20:14] now, like there's always
[00:20:16] I feel like there's always little things we have
[00:20:18] while growing up that make us who we are
[00:20:20] there's buttons
[00:20:22] in movies there's
[00:20:24] when you have a scene there's always a button
[00:20:26] and if our life was a movie
[00:20:28] there's buttons all along
[00:20:30] so I'm curious
[00:20:32] now you're 13
[00:20:34] you're gay
[00:20:36] or you've come out as gay
[00:20:38] or you've been outed as gay
[00:20:40] what was growing up gay like now?
[00:20:44] no different than living in foster care
[00:20:46] to be quite honest that's why I was telling you
[00:20:48] my mom treated me probably worse because I was gay
[00:20:50] but the thing was like this
[00:20:52] I had good grades
[00:20:54] I cleaned
[00:20:56] I helped her take care of the kids
[00:20:58] I did everything she asked me to do
[00:21:00] I was never enough
[00:21:02] and we bonded over
[00:21:04] Smallville and music
[00:21:06] I listened to all the 80s music from my mom
[00:21:08] and we would
[00:21:10] for a moment
[00:21:12] it didn't matter that I was gay
[00:21:14] and those moments were the moments I clung to
[00:21:16] but
[00:21:18] they were always just so quickly destroyed
[00:21:20] by the things that she did
[00:21:22] like
[00:21:24] she didn't stop tormenting me until
[00:21:26] I left
[00:21:28] until my graduation of high school
[00:21:30] she like the week before
[00:21:32] I graduated assaulted me over a video game
[00:21:34] and physically
[00:21:36] physically yeah yeah
[00:21:38] she pushed me into a window
[00:21:40] Jesus
[00:21:42] cause they don't let her kill or whatever
[00:21:44] she'd been playing too many games with my brothers
[00:21:46] but because they were playing it
[00:21:48] she got into it
[00:21:50] so it sounds your mother was kind of like a friend too
[00:21:52] friend of me
[00:21:54] friend of me
[00:21:56] she wasn't somebody I would confide in
[00:21:58] I wouldn't tell her anything
[00:22:00] I would help her with her issues
[00:22:02] and be there for her to help the house
[00:22:04] but I never felt comfortable talking to her
[00:22:06] I would never consider her
[00:22:08] a friend
[00:22:10] but she's my mother
[00:22:12] and I'm thankful
[00:22:14] because that's the reason I'm here
[00:22:16] even though she says I'm a mistake
[00:22:18] which probably is true
[00:22:20] I mean I gotta have my whoreness
[00:22:22] from somewhere
[00:22:24] well
[00:22:26] okay the whoreness
[00:22:28] okay
[00:22:30] only cause your bag says slot on it
[00:22:32] it does my bag literally says slot on it
[00:22:34] and I'm like sitting in the fucking
[00:22:36] the subway
[00:22:38] and another lady she looks at me she's like
[00:22:40] oh my god I just noticed what your bag
[00:22:42] says and I was like
[00:22:44] thank you
[00:22:46] what was your first sexual experience
[00:22:48] as a gay man outside of your
[00:22:50] graduated
[00:22:52] outside of your house like you were
[00:22:54] I was actually I got married immediately
[00:22:56] to a 65 year old man
[00:22:58] get the fuck out of here I didn't know that
[00:23:00] but I didn't do it because I loved him and that was the problem
[00:23:02] okay why did you do it
[00:23:04] it was an escape I saw a way out of my
[00:23:06] home and I took it
[00:23:08] I took it immediately
[00:23:10] do you consider yourself attracted to older men
[00:23:12] yes I'm very much a daddy's boy
[00:23:14] I have daddy issues if you can
[00:23:16] massive daddy issues
[00:23:18] okay I love older men
[00:23:20] piecing it all together no I mean I
[00:23:22] I know 100% where every
[00:23:24] ounce of what I do I can
[00:23:26] pinpoint exactly where in my life it comes from
[00:23:28] okay I've spent a lot of time
[00:23:30] talking to myself
[00:23:32] not in that way but like no yeah I know what you're saying
[00:23:34] kind of just trying to
[00:23:36] trying to coax out
[00:23:38] the like anger
[00:23:40] and the like why me
[00:23:42] kind of thing
[00:23:44] and I really sat down like there was one time
[00:23:46] one year
[00:23:48] where I went through complete depression
[00:23:50] and I had a
[00:23:52] boombox that my mom's best friend had given me
[00:23:54] and
[00:23:56] I would turn the music on
[00:23:58] and I would get a blanket and I would
[00:24:00] sleep in a corner in a room that was completely empty
[00:24:02] wow and I would every day
[00:24:04] I did that for an entire year
[00:24:06] and I just reflected on my life
[00:24:08] why am I here
[00:24:10] what do I do
[00:24:12] and I told myself
[00:24:14] that year I said I will never
[00:24:16] I will never let anybody else ruin my life
[00:24:18] ever again
[00:24:20] I will be I'm a nice person I will I refuse to be
[00:24:22] the
[00:24:24] evil cruel person that
[00:24:26] these other people have been to me
[00:24:28] I want to have standards
[00:24:30] and morality I want to be able to
[00:24:32] have people look at me and say yeah he's a great guy
[00:24:34] and that's like
[00:24:36] the basis of what I built
[00:24:38] my personality on holy
[00:24:40] fuck that's very
[00:24:42] that's very
[00:24:44] introspective it's very cool because
[00:24:46] yeah you're a nice guy on the
[00:24:48] exterior but
[00:24:50] to find out like
[00:24:52] you don't do shut like to want to know who
[00:24:54] you are is very important and I think
[00:24:56] a lot of people
[00:24:58] they always say like if you if you're a millionaire
[00:25:00] if you win the lottery or something like that or
[00:25:02] all of a sudden you run into money
[00:25:04] everything's taking care of your bills are done
[00:25:06] you have nothing to worry about now you have to actually think
[00:25:08] about like you have to
[00:25:10] be with yourself you know when you don't
[00:25:12] have any other worries and stuff
[00:25:14] and that's what drives people crazy the fact that they
[00:25:16] have to kind of live with themselves who they are
[00:25:18] or figure out who they are
[00:25:20] so the fact that you did this
[00:25:22] because you wanted to and then eventually
[00:25:24] came out a better person from it that's
[00:25:26] that's incredible I try
[00:25:28] like I will say living in LA
[00:25:30] and like most of my life like I do have
[00:25:32] the
[00:25:34] ideals
[00:25:36] of like an LA person
[00:25:38] I in the
[00:25:40] sense of that I am very
[00:25:42] conscious of the space
[00:25:44] I take up in the world
[00:25:46] no matter where I am
[00:25:48] like think of it
[00:25:50] as like an aura
[00:25:52] right like I feel
[00:25:54] I'm always hyper aware of what's in my
[00:25:56] space and how I am in the
[00:25:58] space provided
[00:26:00] and
[00:26:02] my goal is always to bring
[00:26:04] love and
[00:26:06] compassion to everything I do
[00:26:08] that's why my name is Apollo
[00:26:10] because Apollo
[00:26:12] is the god of the sun
[00:26:14] sun is bubbly it's bright
[00:26:16] it's something that you look up to
[00:26:18] and I want to be that for a lot of people
[00:26:20] I want to show like I've always wanted
[00:26:22] to talk about my childhood and my past
[00:26:24] because I want kids to know
[00:26:26] or like even just anybody who went through the same thing
[00:26:28] I did like it is okay
[00:26:30] I would always recommend people like
[00:26:32] cry out those feelings
[00:26:34] like it's hard because I'm fighting so much
[00:26:36] to like not break
[00:26:38] composure because like it is
[00:26:40] very hard to talk about
[00:26:42] I've told so many people this
[00:26:44] story and it just never gets easier
[00:26:46] but I want
[00:26:48] people to know like when you see me
[00:26:50] when you come interact with me
[00:26:52] don't feel shy don't feel like
[00:26:54] intimidated or anything please come up to me
[00:26:56] I want to meet you
[00:26:58] I want to get to know who you are
[00:27:00] I was just going to be how I am
[00:27:02] and you know sometimes I may say things wrong
[00:27:04] like I'm so hyper aware of
[00:27:06] like how I speak to
[00:27:08] like I never want to offend people
[00:27:10] but at the same time I'm not going to like
[00:27:12] I'm not going to step on eggshells just to make somebody happy
[00:27:14] like if
[00:27:16] you need to be told
[00:27:18] the truth I'm going to tell it to you
[00:27:20] I'm not about
[00:27:22] I'm not above like
[00:27:24] being like sitting somebody down to me like hey
[00:27:26] what you did there was just not okay
[00:27:28] but here's why
[00:27:30] and I'm not offended or mad
[00:27:32] at you but I just wish you would
[00:27:34] take the time to really think about those kinds of things
[00:27:36] like that's how I approach people
[00:27:38] even when I'm upset unless you're my partner
[00:27:40] because then I will yell at you
[00:27:42] No I feel the same way
[00:27:44] yeah
[00:27:46] there's something if you're pissed off at somebody
[00:27:48] or just to relate to you
[00:27:50] if I'm pissed off at somebody I let them know
[00:27:52] and then after that we're cool
[00:27:54] the thing is you got to hash it out
[00:27:56] make sure that they know
[00:27:58] manifesting space
[00:28:00] absolutely amazing
[00:28:02] I didn't realize that Apollo was your name because of that
[00:28:04] it's actually more to that than just that
[00:28:06] so the reason I actually chose
[00:28:08] Apollo was for
[00:28:10] all the other things that he's the god of
[00:28:12] as well as a small story that I will tell you right now
[00:28:14] Apollo is the god of music
[00:28:16] and the god of archery
[00:28:18] I've been singing since I was 5
[00:28:20] and I own two separate bows
[00:28:22] that I frequently shoot
[00:28:24] it's my favorite weapon
[00:28:26] of all time
[00:28:28] and I'm not the greatest marksman
[00:28:30] but we're getting there
[00:28:32] that's really fucking cool
[00:28:34] yeah so like what happened was
[00:28:36] I love dogs
[00:28:38] and I've always had a dog in my life
[00:28:40] and I wanted a husky
[00:28:42] I still want a husky
[00:28:44] and I wanted to name him
[00:28:46] I love them so much
[00:28:48] I wanted to name them either atlas or Apollo
[00:28:50] but the dog that I ended up getting
[00:28:52] and who's still with me now
[00:28:54] his name is Sammy
[00:28:56] she was a douchebag
[00:29:00] just gonna say that now
[00:29:02] huskies are
[00:29:04] there's so much fucking energy
[00:29:06] and they talk to you
[00:29:08] and they love them
[00:29:10] they're fun
[00:29:12] stubborn but fun
[00:29:14] he came with the name his name was Sammy
[00:29:16] and so I was like okay the next dog I get
[00:29:18] is gonna be named Apollo
[00:29:20] and I got into puppy play
[00:29:22] and as I was sitting there
[00:29:24] with my
[00:29:26] my boyfriends at the time
[00:29:28] they were like
[00:29:30] what's your name? what's your puppy name?
[00:29:32] and we were driving down and I was like
[00:29:34] I don't know
[00:29:36] it's really hard to come up with
[00:29:38] you start thinking like generic
[00:29:40] fucking dog names
[00:29:42] or you're like Scruffy
[00:29:44] or Brownie or Spike
[00:29:46] yeah spot
[00:29:48] and then I giggled to myself and I said
[00:29:50] my name is Apollo
[00:29:52] because I was the next dog I ended up getting
[00:29:54] okay well I mean we gotta break down a couple things
[00:29:56] sure so you said my boyfriends
[00:29:58] yeah so okay polyamorous
[00:30:00] polyamory right
[00:30:02] then pup play
[00:30:04] but is all of this before
[00:30:06] we start digging into porn?
[00:30:08] yes it's right
[00:30:10] it's right before
[00:30:12] so you discovered pup play
[00:30:14] so the way that I discovered
[00:30:16] the kink side of me in like pup play
[00:30:18] was like my boyfriends at the time
[00:30:20] they had a we had just finished
[00:30:22] fucking and we were putting everything away
[00:30:24] and on top of the closet
[00:30:26] they had like a bag like a tool bag
[00:30:28] but the tool bag had toys in it
[00:30:30] and one of them was a
[00:30:32] butt plug that had a tail at the end
[00:30:34] okay I've seen that
[00:30:36] and I was like what's that
[00:30:38] and they're like oh it's a butt plug
[00:30:40] with a tail and I was like
[00:30:42] really?
[00:30:44] why? and they're like
[00:30:46] oh it's like for puppy play
[00:30:48] and I was like what's that
[00:30:50] and then he's like well
[00:30:52] it's a lot but do you want to try it on
[00:30:54] and I was like sure
[00:30:56] and so he like I mean I just
[00:30:58] finished getting fucked and let me tell you
[00:31:00] Greg bless that man
[00:31:02] sorry he has a coke can size of a dick
[00:31:04] like that shit is huge
[00:31:06] and at the time
[00:31:08] that was a law for me
[00:31:10] not anymore
[00:31:12] yeah so he like
[00:31:14] put a little lube on it
[00:31:16] and he started playing with my one and he just obviously
[00:31:18] went right in
[00:31:20] and then I was already on all fours
[00:31:22] and so I started shaking my butt
[00:31:24] and it just felt right
[00:31:26] you know it just felt wriggling the tail
[00:31:28] and yeah
[00:31:30] I found out I was into puppy play
[00:31:32] and then from that
[00:31:34] stemmed all the other
[00:31:36] all the other kinks because
[00:31:38] puppy play was like my first introduction
[00:31:40] but like the kinks are just
[00:31:42] a wide laundry list of the kinks
[00:31:44] so let's air some of them out
[00:31:46] off the top of my head
[00:31:48] my major kink is fisting
[00:31:50] I love getting fisted
[00:31:52] I love fisting other dudes like
[00:31:54] if you do it right it doesn't hurt and it's so pleasurable
[00:31:56] okay I'm into water sports
[00:31:58] chastity
[00:32:00] dom sub
[00:32:02] master slave
[00:32:04] bondage impact play
[00:32:06] impact play
[00:32:08] you know how you see some guys punching each other
[00:32:10] while they're like
[00:32:12] they're beating on each other
[00:32:14] not hard but like punching their chest
[00:32:16] or when somebody smacks you in the face
[00:32:18] that's impact play
[00:32:20] degradation and humiliation
[00:32:22] I like those a lot
[00:32:26] what else there's so many
[00:32:28] public play exhibitionism
[00:32:30] I'm also a voyeur
[00:32:34] I like to watch
[00:32:36] and I also like to be the one being the exhibitionist
[00:32:38] okay I like both
[00:32:40] you said you can pinpoint a lot of the things that
[00:32:42] you are into
[00:32:44] certain points in your life
[00:32:46] can you pinpoint all those?
[00:32:48] really? yes
[00:32:50] pick one
[00:32:52] my older brother forced me to drink a bottle of piss
[00:32:54] when I was a kid because
[00:32:56] the guys next door
[00:32:58] they were like make him do it
[00:33:00] and I drank it and I was like
[00:33:02] Jesus okay
[00:33:04] oh no
[00:33:06] okay
[00:33:08] I don't want to get into this thing yet
[00:33:10] I want that to be like
[00:33:12] humiliation degradation
[00:33:14] that actually just stems from how I was treated
[00:33:16] as a job
[00:33:18] I took that and
[00:33:20] reworked it and made it a source of power
[00:33:22] impact play
[00:33:24] same difference
[00:33:26] dom sub
[00:33:28] master slave
[00:33:30] I've been looked down a lot in my life
[00:33:34] dom sub relationships
[00:33:36] they do look down on you
[00:33:38] it's like a whole power exchange
[00:33:40] that's really hot
[00:33:42] but there's a sense of care
[00:33:44] that should come with it
[00:33:46] let me tell you guys if your dom is not giving you
[00:33:48] aftercare or is not
[00:33:50] treating you like a normal human being
[00:33:52] they're not a dom and get out of that situation
[00:33:54] now I see
[00:33:56] what you're saying
[00:33:58] you derive
[00:34:00] not derive but
[00:34:02] reclaiming this power
[00:34:04] through all these
[00:34:06] kinks and fetishes
[00:34:08] everything I do in my life is to reclaim how I felt as a child
[00:34:10] I feel so
[00:34:12] I feel actualized
[00:34:14] at this point in my life
[00:34:16] I know who I am, I know what I do
[00:34:18] I know my faults and my flaws
[00:34:20] and I'm okay with everything that is my life
[00:34:22] I've gone to the point where
[00:34:24] I'll say something
[00:34:26] and I'll say something really mean sometimes
[00:34:28] because sometimes I just blow up
[00:34:30] I always take that step back
[00:34:32] and I always come back
[00:34:34] I always make sure to apologize for
[00:34:36] the things that I've done wrong
[00:34:38] and I make sure to find ways to move forward
[00:34:40] I just want people to be happy around me
[00:34:42] I don't want to go somewhere
[00:34:44] and then people feel awkward
[00:34:46] and that also comes with
[00:34:48] a good sense of social cues
[00:34:50] because you have to be able to know
[00:34:52] how you're
[00:34:54] doing things in front of people
[00:34:56] cause there are some people
[00:34:58] they'll say shit and they'll do shit
[00:35:00] and they have absolutely no idea how it's affecting the room
[00:35:02] yeah
[00:35:04] no you're absolutely right
[00:35:06] so your relationship with porn
[00:35:08] yikes, here we go, go ahead
[00:35:10] what was your relationship with porn?
[00:35:12] I will say I'm definitely addicted to porn
[00:35:14] when did you start watching porn
[00:35:16] when did this first fascination happen?
[00:35:20] it was right after AOL
[00:35:22] no more
[00:35:26] no bitch
[00:35:30] you made fun of that but shit, I went through that
[00:35:32] I mean I'm sure
[00:35:34] I am 100% sure you would wait 14 minutes
[00:35:36] for a jpeg to load onto your screen
[00:35:38] gifs, that was the best you can do
[00:35:40] I remember when I saw a gif
[00:35:42] I was floored, I was like what is this
[00:35:44] it's moving
[00:35:46] yeah, it was a picture that was moving
[00:35:48] I definitely got caught watching porn
[00:35:50] on the computer
[00:35:52] several times
[00:35:54] think the first time I got caught I was 14
[00:35:58] yeah
[00:36:00] it was my uncle Mauricio
[00:36:02] he's not actually my uncle
[00:36:04] but that's what we called him
[00:36:06] he was an IT tech
[00:36:08] and so
[00:36:10] I'm a dumb 14 year old boy who doesn't know
[00:36:12] that you can get viruses on your computer
[00:36:14] for going onto porn sites
[00:36:16] so he would scrub the computer clean
[00:36:18] he would be able to see the search history
[00:36:20] like the metadata
[00:36:22] and he was like oh it's because somebody was watching porn
[00:36:24] what kind of porn were you watching
[00:36:26] what kind of porn was I watching
[00:36:28] I think it was daddy boy porn
[00:36:30] ok, wow
[00:36:32] so Mauricio got a
[00:36:34] he got a rifle
[00:36:36] probably did, he never really uploaded
[00:36:38] oh no that's a lie they did load the f**king pages
[00:36:40] my mom one time
[00:36:42] sat me down and they loaded the
[00:36:44] really?
[00:36:46] and they're like what the f**k is this
[00:36:48] I'm like that's hot
[00:36:50] what the f**k is this that's hot
[00:36:54] it's not me I promise
[00:36:56] no nobody else is gay so it's definitely me
[00:36:58] how does your relationship with porn
[00:37:00] become
[00:37:02] hey maybe I can do this
[00:37:04] oh I knew I wanted to do porn since I was like
[00:37:06] 12, really?
[00:37:08] yeah I wanted to do porn
[00:37:10] this is what I wanted to do
[00:37:12] wow
[00:37:14] initially I wanted to be a chef
[00:37:16] but I hated the idea
[00:37:18] that people were expecting me
[00:37:20] to cook for them
[00:37:22] like no
[00:37:24] I wanted to cook because
[00:37:26] yeah exactly but it was
[00:37:28] the expectation for you to cook
[00:37:30] for somebody like I wanted to
[00:37:32] be a chef but I wanted to cook for the people I loved
[00:37:34] ok and that's
[00:37:36] definitely not how that worked
[00:37:38] and you don't get paid
[00:37:40] then I decided I wanted
[00:37:42] to be a doctor
[00:37:44] but as I went through
[00:37:46] schooling I realized like
[00:37:48] no so you went through
[00:37:50] schooling you started to go through
[00:37:52] yeah it was in high school when I decided
[00:37:54] I didn't want to do it because
[00:37:56] I just realized how
[00:37:58] people who were doing
[00:38:00] shitty were getting by so much better than I was
[00:38:02] and so I gave up
[00:38:04] I gave up for a little while until I got back
[00:38:06] into college
[00:38:08] and I picked up my studies again
[00:38:10] I like my senior year
[00:38:12] I kind of let all my grades drop dramatically
[00:38:14] and I mean I still passed
[00:38:16] I still you know
[00:38:18] graduated but
[00:38:20] definitely found out it wasn't for me
[00:38:22] and then at this point I was already watching born
[00:38:24] like
[00:38:26] so and I really liked what I was seeing
[00:38:28] and I thought I mean I can do that
[00:38:30] what was your first step into
[00:38:32] the porn industry
[00:38:34] did you have videos on your phone
[00:38:36] and shit like that
[00:38:38] and I always had
[00:38:40] a lot of pictures
[00:38:42] even oh my god
[00:38:44] so like sidekicks
[00:38:46] when you knew you could first upload photos
[00:38:50] I had like photos of guys
[00:38:52] all over those little phones
[00:38:54] and yeah it was crazy
[00:38:56] I would
[00:38:58] y'all were probably putting your phones up to boomboxes
[00:39:00] to record
[00:39:02] your ringtone
[00:39:04] I was putting it up to the computer to record moans
[00:39:06] of like the porn
[00:39:08] wow
[00:39:10] like yeah I remember doing that
[00:39:12] on these like shitty little phones
[00:39:14] I didn't actually start pursuing porn
[00:39:16] heavily until
[00:39:18] 2018-19
[00:39:20] I think
[00:39:22] I was always like chastised for being sexual
[00:39:24] and
[00:39:26] I
[00:39:28] I don't believe in monogamy
[00:39:30] because I'm very sexually active
[00:39:32] but just because I'm sexually active
[00:39:34] doesn't mean that I'm
[00:39:36] you know like a bad person
[00:39:38] or like trying to hurt people
[00:39:40] and I always yeah I cheated on a lot of my partners
[00:39:42] but I felt so bad about it
[00:39:44] and I didn't
[00:39:46] understand
[00:39:48] why I could feel so good about this
[00:39:50] and then feel so horrible about it
[00:39:52] it's like that battle inside my mind
[00:39:54] like why
[00:39:56] then I found out it's just because no
[00:39:58] I'm more of a polyamorous type person
[00:40:00] I can love multiple people at one time
[00:40:02] it fuels my heart and it makes me feel
[00:40:04] great
[00:40:06] I'm an extrovert and I need to be around people
[00:40:08] and so being polyamorous
[00:40:10] just really fits well into that as well
[00:40:12] so this helps with
[00:40:14] porn this helps with being in a relationship
[00:40:16] with your
[00:40:18] partner, your fiance
[00:40:20] yeah he's not like
[00:40:22] super super keen on everything
[00:40:24] but he's getting better at it
[00:40:26] because he is very monogamous
[00:40:28] this is one of the points where we differ
[00:40:30] and we're like on the complete opposite ends of the spectrum
[00:40:32] so he knows about your porn career
[00:40:34] I told him
[00:40:36] date 2
[00:40:38] because at this point
[00:40:40] he was only
[00:40:42] the second boyfriend I had
[00:40:44] after I felt like I was self
[00:40:46] actualized where I felt comfortable
[00:40:48] telling him like hey before we start
[00:40:50] doing anything I need you to know that this is what I do
[00:40:52] I felt so comfortable
[00:40:54] telling him that
[00:40:56] and he agreed
[00:40:58] and he said yeah I can handle that
[00:41:00] you've had your moments
[00:41:02] we've had our moments but he's definitely come around a lot
[00:41:04] recently
[00:41:06] and I really appreciate him
[00:41:08] sometimes he helps me record too
[00:41:10] why that's amazing
[00:41:12] that's really cool that you guys have gone to that space
[00:41:14] and I told him several times
[00:41:16] this is the space I want to get to
[00:41:18] I want to get to the point where I can tell you
[00:41:20] hey I'm gonna go fuck this dude
[00:41:22] I'll be back
[00:41:24] I want you to be able to be like okay baby
[00:41:26] I don't think that's a hard ask
[00:41:28] but it's me
[00:41:30] right
[00:41:32] I had to learn from his side
[00:41:34] that it is a very difficult
[00:41:36] ask like some people
[00:41:38] they can't separate that
[00:41:40] yeah I don't know
[00:41:42] I feel like if you had said that's a man-were relationship
[00:41:44] well
[00:41:46] I mean granted with everything I've seen
[00:41:48] and stuff but
[00:41:50] putting myself in his shoes too
[00:41:52] I would have to bite my lips for a little bit
[00:41:54] and eventually like be okay with it
[00:41:56] that's exactly what I think he did
[00:41:58] there's a sting and then eventually
[00:42:00] I think that's exactly what he did
[00:42:02] and a lot of our frustrations
[00:42:04] early into our relationship
[00:42:06] was almost always about sex
[00:42:08] we don't find about anything else
[00:42:10] it's rough because you're doing something
[00:42:12] just like you said you're doing something
[00:42:14] so
[00:42:16] you're opening yourself up so much
[00:42:18] and you're trying to be vulnerable
[00:42:20] or you're being vulnerable
[00:42:22] you are
[00:42:24] it's not that it's being taken advantage of
[00:42:26] or taken for granted
[00:42:28] but that you're just laying it all out there
[00:42:30] and then eventually it's not special
[00:42:32] or something I don't know there's a lot of different feelings
[00:42:34] I understand what you're saying
[00:42:36] I don't believe that
[00:42:38] monogamy is where animals
[00:42:40] where animals I don't believe
[00:42:42] that monogamy is the way to go
[00:42:44] however
[00:42:46] I don't know there's something I can say that
[00:42:48] all I want but then
[00:42:50] even if it's in your
[00:42:52] fiancee shoes
[00:42:54] or whenever me and my boyfriend talk about stuff
[00:42:56] I understand that
[00:42:58] one person isn't going to make
[00:43:00] another person completely happy
[00:43:02] and by that I just
[00:43:04] you can make somebody happy
[00:43:06] love them and care for them
[00:43:08] and nurture for them
[00:43:10] but you won't be able to do
[00:43:12] everything that your partner needs
[00:43:14] because you are not them
[00:43:16] like the only person that would be able
[00:43:18] to completely satisfy you
[00:43:20] and your needs is yourself
[00:43:22] period
[00:43:24] I mean it is
[00:43:26] unless you're fucking lucky
[00:43:28] and find somebody who's like identical
[00:43:30] in all those aspects
[00:43:32] but then how much fun is that
[00:43:34] I mean
[00:43:36] who knows
[00:43:38] so real quick I don't want to take up too much more of your time
[00:43:40] because I want you to go out there
[00:43:42] I want you to join New York and stuff
[00:43:44] you're doing fisting porn now
[00:43:46] I'm shocked
[00:43:48] when you mentioned it before
[00:43:50] people want to hear me talk
[00:43:52] absolutely
[00:43:54] judging by twitter followers
[00:43:56] social media
[00:43:58] fan sites
[00:44:00] everything is going
[00:44:02] well for you
[00:44:04] you're doing good and enjoying where you are
[00:44:06] 100%
[00:44:08] this is something I've been wanting to do since I was young
[00:44:10] and
[00:44:12] I quit my jobs
[00:44:14] I was working 3 different jobs
[00:44:16] and
[00:44:18] barely scraping by
[00:44:20] and always feeling so shitty
[00:44:22] about like
[00:44:24] do I have enough money to buy food
[00:44:26] like it was so bad
[00:44:28] and then one day
[00:44:30] I finally just told myself like fuck it
[00:44:32] I should be able to do this
[00:44:34] I'm going to try
[00:44:36] it was only when OnlyFans was coming out
[00:44:38] OnlyFans was out
[00:44:40] and then the pandemic happened
[00:44:42] and then that's when I started getting into it
[00:44:44] because like I started
[00:44:46] really
[00:44:48] focusing on training myself
[00:44:50] and like figuring out ways to open myself up
[00:44:52] and figuring out ways to relax
[00:44:54] like I did a lot of breathing
[00:44:56] like sex is really just a lot
[00:44:58] like as the recipient
[00:45:00] breath control
[00:45:02] breath control is your biggest friend
[00:45:04] and your biggest enemy
[00:45:06] if you're contracting
[00:45:08] and you're moaning and you're like really in that moment
[00:45:10] and you're not allowing yourself to breathe
[00:45:12] you're going to close up
[00:45:14] and things will start hurting
[00:45:16] you have to remind yourself to breathe
[00:45:18] isn't that crazy?
[00:45:20] cause in life it translates into life
[00:45:22] you have to remind yourself to breathe
[00:45:24] yeah and honestly
[00:45:26] it's literally as simple as that
[00:45:28] like people ask me
[00:45:30] oh my god how do I do this easier
[00:45:32] like da da da da
[00:45:34] they ask me all these tricks about like fisting
[00:45:36] and I'm like I can give you tips
[00:45:38] but what works for me is not going to work for you
[00:45:40] we are not the same in anatomy
[00:45:42] we are not the same in
[00:45:44] mentality
[00:45:46] what works for me will probably not work for you
[00:45:48] but I tell people the same thing all the time
[00:45:50] like use toys
[00:45:52] um toys are your best friend
[00:45:54] you what I did is I had one that I could do
[00:45:56] one that was like a little bit of a challenge
[00:45:58] and one that I couldn't even think of doing
[00:46:00] and
[00:46:02] you know you'd play with the one that you're used to until like
[00:46:04] oh my god like this is the one that I could do
[00:46:06] the one that you're used to until like oh my god
[00:46:08] this is too easy
[00:46:10] but then sometimes you're like super horny
[00:46:12] and then you'll like try to size up
[00:46:14] and it won't happen but then
[00:46:16] you get somewhere
[00:46:18] like you start creating that space
[00:46:20] creating
[00:46:22] the feeling your body starts
[00:46:24] understanding like hey this is something he's probably going to do again
[00:46:26] you know
[00:46:28] I see
[00:46:30] it's definitely what works but
[00:46:32] there are very little like
[00:46:34] making it easier there's no such thing as easier
[00:46:36] when it comes to fisting you have to put in the work
[00:46:38] that's it like
[00:46:40] and I've actually put a little bit of video out there
[00:46:42] because I was so frustrated one day
[00:46:44] but people kept asking me like how can I do this
[00:46:46] easily like can you teach me I'm like
[00:46:48] no I cannot teach you ask
[00:46:50] other fisting tops
[00:46:52] the one thing that they hate hearing the most
[00:46:54] is train me to be a
[00:46:56] bistery nobody
[00:46:58] wants to do that work for you it is
[00:47:00] so much work and it's not fun
[00:47:02] and like as the top you're getting
[00:47:04] nowhere
[00:47:06] getting into these conversations
[00:47:08] they're raw
[00:47:10] and I didn't
[00:47:12] know how comfortable it was going to be that's why
[00:47:14] I said it's one thing to see
[00:47:16] and this is why I love doing this
[00:47:18] it's one thing to see somebody take their clothes off
[00:47:20] and have sex in front of you
[00:47:22] it's another to sit in front of you with your clothes
[00:47:24] on look you in the eye
[00:47:26] and try to
[00:47:28] understand certain things or kind of
[00:47:30] we're sharing space you know watching
[00:47:32] you have sex whatever
[00:47:34] this is apart from me that I enjoy
[00:47:36] but I also get nervous about sometimes
[00:47:38] so I appreciate it
[00:47:40] I'm gonna ask you to challenge
[00:47:42] your belief on how you view sex
[00:47:44] because
[00:47:46] I want you to really think
[00:47:48] and you as the listener
[00:47:50] I want you guys to think of this
[00:47:52] when you are having sex
[00:47:54] you're naked right
[00:47:56] you're laying everything out there you are
[00:47:58] putting everything out there
[00:48:00] putting everything out there
[00:48:02] and it's I feel so
[00:48:04] satisfied and like
[00:48:06] I feel like my soul
[00:48:08] is whole because I can
[00:48:10] appreciate who you are
[00:48:12] and what you have to give
[00:48:14] when you're naked
[00:48:16] like I understand that people
[00:48:18] we all have body dysmorphia
[00:48:20] I'm no different
[00:48:22] but there are when I am naked
[00:48:24] when I am completely naked
[00:48:26] my soul is whole
[00:48:28] because I can accept myself enough
[00:48:30] to lay myself bare for others
[00:48:32] next time I have sex I will do that
[00:48:34] I mean like
[00:48:36] and then I'll text you immediately
[00:48:38] it goes fucking amazing
[00:48:40] honestly and you don't have to do it with a random stranger
[00:48:42] either like I think to start off
[00:48:44] view
[00:48:46] how your sex makes you feel with your significant other
[00:48:48] like
[00:48:50] with my fiance
[00:48:52] anytime that I'm touching him
[00:48:54] like
[00:48:56] I love him I know I love him
[00:48:58] I know what love means now because I love him
[00:49:00] like I never grew up with that emotion
[00:49:02] that it was not existent
[00:49:04] but he can be driving
[00:49:06] and I'll look right over to him
[00:49:08] and the world seems so much brighter because he's in it
[00:49:14] and sometimes I don't think he knows how much I love him but
[00:49:20] that's beautiful
[00:49:22] and I feel like whenever I make it around him
[00:49:24] and I'm like
[00:49:26] I may be you know I have sex with all these other guys
[00:49:28] but that never diminishes how I feel for him
[00:49:30] or like how
[00:49:32] I put myself out there for him
[00:49:34] like he can touch my hair
[00:49:36] and all my worries will just slip away
[00:49:40] and I feel
[00:49:42] so much lighter and
[00:49:44] so much better as a person
[00:49:48] to know that somebody out there actually does care for you
[00:49:50] in the sense that like they want everything for you
[00:49:54] and
[00:49:56] we're two different people
[00:49:58] and two very different people
[00:50:00] might I add are
[00:50:02] the things that we like we're like dot on
[00:50:04] but when we're different on something
[00:50:06] it's like opposite ends of the spectrum
[00:50:08] so
[00:50:10] I mean you just I feel like people should see it
[00:50:12] that way like people should feel like sex is
[00:50:14] more liberating than they give themselves to
[00:50:16] like so many people are ashamed
[00:50:18] or like embarrassed of sex
[00:50:20] and it shouldn't be that way
[00:50:22] it's such a way to hold power
[00:50:24] for yourself
[00:50:26] and I just think other people should like really think about that
[00:50:28] when they're going to have sex
[00:50:30] thank you
[00:50:32] it's very very
[00:50:34] awesome
[00:50:36] when you get to see people who can take something
[00:50:38] like tragedy and trauma
[00:50:40] and stuff and turn it into very positive things
[00:50:42] and not be
[00:50:44] one of those stories that you end up hearing
[00:50:46] that's all they can do
[00:50:48] or this you know
[00:50:50] figures because of how they grew up
[00:50:52] you actually enjoy what you're doing and you do it well
[00:50:54] I would let everybody know this right now
[00:50:56] everybody who's watching this or hearing this
[00:50:58] I do the porn
[00:51:00] not just because it's something I've always wanted to do
[00:51:02] but because I genuinely enjoy it
[00:51:04] you come to my page
[00:51:06] you pay once, one time you get the entire library
[00:51:08] I don't believe in paywalls
[00:51:10] I don't believe in like oh like
[00:51:12] pay your pay per view
[00:51:14] oh fucking hate that shit
[00:51:16] like no I will never do that
[00:51:18] it's not me, I'm not here to milk you from your money
[00:51:20] I'm here to
[00:51:22] show you
[00:51:24] how good sex can be as an experience
[00:51:26] and you're a good time
[00:51:28] oh my god I have a good time
[00:51:30] my face is that I make in those
[00:51:32] super genuine and not only that
[00:51:34] I can't replicate them
[00:51:36] when I'm not getting fucked
[00:51:40] my face does it on its own
[00:51:42] and I'm just like sometimes I look at my face
[00:51:44] I'm like okay
[00:51:46] when people want to know who Apollo Fates is
[00:51:48] where do they go
[00:51:50] I'm not a huge fan of social media
[00:51:52] I don't have a lot
[00:51:54] so Twitter's practically all I use
[00:51:56] but I recently started
[00:51:58] trying to interact more heavily with my
[00:52:00] my page
[00:52:02] so that people know like hey I am a person
[00:52:04] hey I value you guys
[00:52:06] cause it's true I do
[00:52:08] I couldn't do the things that I do if I didn't have the support from the people
[00:52:10] and I know I'm like over here sending all
[00:52:12] high and mighty shit
[00:52:14] but it's literally just porn
[00:52:16] but it's not
[00:52:18] and that's what this is
[00:52:20] you're right it is porn
[00:52:22] but it's more
[00:52:24] you are part of it and our conversation
[00:52:26] was fantastic
[00:52:28] so just think if it was
[00:52:30] your our conversation and porn it's fantastic porn
[00:52:32] there's so much that goes into it
[00:52:34] so it's not just porn
[00:52:36] I mean yeah but like
[00:52:38] I do agree with you most people that's what they see it
[00:52:40] yes absolutely
[00:52:42] cause they don't get this
[00:52:44] I hope people do see this and listen to this
[00:52:46] because it gives so much insight
[00:52:48] Apollo Fates
[00:52:50] I have to thank you very much
[00:52:52] this has been so much fun
[00:52:54] is there anything you want to leave us with
[00:52:56] you've left us with a good amount
[00:52:58] to take in
[00:53:00] message me
[00:53:02] send me a message I promise you I look at almost everything
[00:53:04] but yeah like
[00:53:06] I want to say to people is like
[00:53:08] talk to me I'm a normal human being
[00:53:10] I'm no different than you
[00:53:12] and I will never put myself any higher than you
[00:53:14] we are all beautiful wonderful people that inhabit
[00:53:16] the same world
[00:53:18] and the more positivity and love we can spread
[00:53:20] the better
[00:53:22] fuck alright
[00:53:36] thanks Instagram
[00:53:38] Facebook Telegram
[00:54:06] you